Firm grip and loose handling
Don't let it slip but don't hold it too tight
I keep seeing this all over. This one is a true pattern: applies to the macro and the micro scope. A constant interplay between hard and soft: one complementing the other.
I like snowboarding. I’m not as good at it as I wish, but I like it. And very quickly I learned, the hard way, that when I fought the terrain, I would fall. My weight has to be at the right place and I have to press on the correct spot to be able to go where I want. I need to firmly grab the edge of the board yet be loose enough to not let the terrain push me in the wrong direction.
As a father I’ve learned that my children need a space to occupy. Constraining the child too much will not allow him to define himself. And in his own effort to do this, he will absorb you: like a sponge, you have no choice. And that process should push you into trying to be your best version. Guidance will be necessary, but the main focus is yourself. The parent needs to have a strong grip on himself (values, morale, what’s important) and be loose enough to let the child make that his own.
In this regard, the best managers, directors, VPs and CTOs I’ve had the chance to work with were like this ideal parent. They were stubborn on their vision and loose on the details. They would firmly and without doubts explain what were the business outcomes that were expected and they would explain why they were directly linked to the company’s vision. And they understood that they did not own the outputs, they would be willing to help with the details, yet they didn’t own them. Like with my kids, it doesn’t mean that I could not say ‘but I do not know how to get there’ cause I knew that if I did guidance would be provided.
Acquiring pure technique requires raw effort: mastery is pain. Learning a new language, how to play a musical instrument, how to write computer code. It’s all hard work. And we need a firm grip on our techniques so that we can creatively use them to express ourselves. I read somewhere that creativity is intelligence having fun. And I regrettably don’t play a musical instrument but I do speak more than one language and I do write computer code and I think I do a decent job at it. Looking back, any reward or proud memory they have helped me attain are the result of playfully and creatively, and without many constraints, tell a story for others. Firm on my technique, loose on how I used it. Furthermore, acquiring technique is something we do for ourselves yet putting it to a meaningful use is something we generally do for others.
There are two key concepts in components modeling that oppose yet complement each other: cohesion and coupling. Think of cohesion as the main property of something perceived as a whole: like a strong hard rock. Coupling is about connections like the connection in a married couple: two different wholes (people) that are connected. Now, there’s a lot to say about what makes a person whole: I’d be inclined to say that a strong identity will make a very cohesive person. And two people will share a successful marriage (or coupling) in the measure that their identities allow it: we are simply incompatible (or very compatible) with some people. Anyone who is or has been married understands that giving in is a mutual part of the deal yet there are a limits to that: as long as it doesn’t contradict our core identity or who we tell ourselves we are. Meaning that in order to intimately connect with someone else, we first need to have a strong grip on who we are so that we know what to let go of and when to give in. Have a firm grip on yourself and a loose handling on others or high cohesion and loose coupling like we say the IT world.